Frustration Locomotion
It’s an odd combination but I’d say I’ve been wavering between grieving and frustration. Grieving due to loss and frustration by waiting, wandering, and wondering. But while I’ve been rolling and mulling all of that I have frequently been reminded about a bike race I did 26 years ago. That’s what I’m going to tell you and maybe we’ll both catch some thoughts on dealing with frustration and/or grieving! I will say this; they both require more time than you would think!
This bike race was a pretty big deal back in the day. It was big to me because I was trying to earn enough points through race results to move up through the amateur racing categories. My end goal was to get a chance to race professionally; to do that you had to start as a category 5 and then prove your fitness and tactics through race results.
The race I signed up for was 40 miles in western Pennsylvania in late July. I had done well all spring and summer in other races but I never won. I can say I was a wee bit frustrated as well. You see, bike races aren’t always won by the strongest rider but rather the rider that “reads” the race the best. It’s like a rolling chess game and oftentimes you can do really well playing off of other riders, terrain, and using teammates for proper positioning. I can say I raced a lot more by heart and brute strength so the whole figuring out how to play the game resulted in me wasting energy and getting passed at crucial moments. But I hoped this hilly road race would provide an opportunity for me and maybe my result would be different. I wasn’t a bad rider by any means but I was striving in my own strength for that victory.
As I was warming up a friend approached me to offer some advice. He knew the stories of my past races but also had experience with this race. He cooked up a plan that seemed to make sense but it was mighty risky. I was a bit skeptical but also knew that doing the same routine would probably not yield any different results. I had to decide if I would press on with my own ideas or perhaps try something new.
Each lap of the race had two sprints for $100. This was a big deal to a field of riders that were mostly in their early 20’s. One was at the top of a hill and the other was at the starting line. My friend knew that these sprint spots would make the first lap super fast and by the end of 10 miles many riders would be ready to chill and pedal easy a few miles. And this was the basis of his whole strategy; I could still race with heart and brute strength but the timing of my effort needed to be precise. After that second sprint I was to “attack” and ride away from the field as quickly as possible. If I got a gap then the field of riders would probably let me go and try to catch me later on, when I was tired and they were very motivated to cash in on the finishing prizes.
The timing to ride away seemed daunting and maybe a touch stupid. I would have to ride up to 30 miles in the wind and over the hills. And if the rest of the cyclists caught me I would definitely not get a high place since I would have expended all of that energy. I could tell that frustration was also a part of this plan if it failed.
But the race started and sure enough, we were going fast! I settled in towards the front and watched everyone sprint their legs off for that first uphill sprint. The pace didn’t settle much after that and soon enough the sprint at the starting line was upon us. Once again, everyone went berserk to win some money for rent or for their gas tanks.
Right after that sprint I went up the left side of the road with my head down. I could tell I was alone because all I heard was my breathing and my chain wrapping itself around the gears. It was wonderful to be moving under my own power and be on my way towards a goal.
I was out of sight of the pack and started gobbling up miles. I also grabbed those sprint prizes. I was thrilled! Occasionally I would look over my shoulder and not see the rest of the racers. I always expected to see them and have my bubble burst but they were never there. I kept going and eventually crossed the line first.
My little 30-mile journey started with a prophetic word from my friend and ended with me winning the race and nearly all of the prize money! It was wild and for a few weeks I actually thought I could make a living racing bikes. But as time went on I found that God had plans through cycling but making a liveable income was not one of them! Haha!
I won by 2 minutes. After the race other guys would come up to me and stand in shock that I pulled off that victory. Some mentioned that they didn’t even know I was ahead of them because I left the pack at a time no one was interested. Others said that once the field found out I was ahead that many had already given up on catching me. Others said it was very disorganized because everyone was already tired and didn’t want to do all of the work to try to catch me.
So all of my frustration from the early season went out the window with a victory on a rural road in Pennsylvania. But as I thought about this race from long ago and the emotion of frustration, now I have to read the race of life differently.
I was frustrated in bike racing because I was focused on the result. But as I went along I found that I needed to know how to play the game. And while I’m not saying that life is a game, I can say that Jesus invites us to learn how to draw close to Him and enter into a healthy relationship with Him. To know Jesus only by expecting a certain result is to miss the relationship part!
I also learned from that race that there would be a certain time to move. The moment mattered. And that stands true today. If your frustration is based on things not moving you have to learn to wait for the moment. I waited a few months in that bike season but maybe you are waiting for years in the current season of life. It's hard to wait and trust when the race seems to be moving without you.
Another layer of frustration from that season was people. When I raced I expected other racers to put the same effort and passion into racing. But there were some that played the game “better” than me and they ended up conserving while I burned through all of my energy. They weren’t doing this out of malice; they just played the game in a far different way! I didn’t like that too much but I had to learn to respect that others were going to race their race on their terms, whether I liked it or not. So to not dwell on others was important. And then it was equally important to find others that could discern and, to bring in a faith-term, disciple me. They were more interested in me using what I had to my best ability and to position myself in the best way possible to compete well. Letting others not grind my gears while allowing others to gain wisdom was super important.
When my friend suggested I go try to go alone I was excited about that prospect but also a bit apprehensive. Going solo meant that I would have to do all the work for 30 miles which seemed a bit nuts. Most would rather have company. The pack of riders was pretty good at insulating and keeping you in step with their pace in rhythm. But I also wanted to go all-in for victory and I knew that if I was solo then I would have to embrace the isolation, the solitude, and the workload. If I remember correctly Moses was not a stranger to going up a mountain solo to talk to God. Being isolated and not in the company of others is ok sometimes.
Lastly, when I was given an open road and room to roam I thought I would have to ride faster than the pack in order to win. But after hearing the other riders at the finish I realized that it was as much them being held back as it was me driving forward! It truly wasn’t my ability or willpower.
Frustration is a normal human emotion. How we work through it and learn to see others and our circumstances is tough work. You can grow hardened and bitter or you can surrender and start the process of seeing people and circumstances God’s way. Your lack of a certain outcome won’t fix a frustrated heart…only Jesus can do that on your road of life. Good things are ahead of you and God is working on your behalf; even if you don’t feel it or see it. Keep pedaling but also know that He’s orchestrating your heart for the future, keeping some situations far away from you, and drawing you closer to Him for your time on earth and in heaven. It’s spiritual work for earthly emotions and it won’t pass without it bringing God glory and to benefit others.
